Ever since Ha Ri-su? debut in 2001 as the first ever Korean transgender star, a lot of people have been showing interest in transgenders. Yet, all sorts of absurd misconceptions are still prevalent in our society; some people think transgenders are homosexuals who change their gender, others think all transgenders are male-to-female. Many people are just unable to accept transgenders as people whose biological and internal genders do not match. Transgenders are not men who want to be women or women who want to be men - they are women born in men? bodies or men born in women? bodies. To give Yonseians a more realistic understanding about transgenders, the Annals decided to introduce the stories of some transgenders who feel rejected by society, trapped in their own bodies.
At a transgender bar in Itaewon

We visited a transgender bar in Itaewon to meet Tammy, a male-to-female transgender who had invited us. We were introduced to Park Bo-young (an alias), 51, a male-to-female transgender who claimed to be the first person in Korea to change her record on the family registration from male to female. "When I was little, I always used to play the part of the mom, and I always felt attracted to guys. As an adolescent, I was confused whether I was a male or a female. I used to get pissed-off while trying to concentrate on my studies," said Park. "I even tried to commit suicide a few times - I tried drinking pesticide, swallowing sleeping pills, and once I sat on a railroad track waiting to be run over by a train," she added. "But I realized that you've got to live. If you're born, you have no choice but to live."
Twelve years ago, Park had her first surgery to find her true identity as a woman. "Even when I decided to undergo surgery, I was so ashamed and so embarrassed to expose myself in front of the doctor. You can't possibly imagine the shame of being a woman imprisoned in a man's body. If I were to undergo surgery once again, I don't think I could do it," Park said, shuddering at the thought. Having undergone the operation, Park says that now there is nothing more she could wish for. She is accepted as a woman, and she is living with the man she loves. These days, she gives occasional lectures to college students in order to straighten out misunderstandings about transgenders.
Thanks to the sex change operation, Park is now able to lead a much happier life than before, but it is no easy task to maintain that happiness. Tammy, who had been listening to our conversation, came over and told us about the high stakes of a sex change operation. "There are many side-effects and after-affects of the surgery, such as osteoporosis and low blood sugar levels. We must follow a strict diet, lessening carbohydrates and eating fresh fruits and vegetables. Moreover, we need to get enough exercise," she explained. "Getting a sex change operation is an act of shortening one's life. But even so, we risked all that because we wanted to find our true selves."

  
Two days later, we met Na-youn (an alias), 27, at a coffee shop in Gwanghwamun after her Sunday church services were over. "I always knew that I was clearly different from other people, but it was not until I came across a transgender website six years ago that I realized I was a transgender. Frankly, I felt like denying the truth, but I came to accept myself for what I am, a male-to-female transgender," Na-youn confessed.
Na-youn has not received a sex change operation because it goes counter to her religious convictions. Currently preparing for graduate school, she is studying theology and wishes to become a minister. "I feel a wrenching conflict between my religion, Christianity, and my identity. But if being a transgender is a sin, I believe that I can't betray God just because of my disposition," she said. "The hardest thing as a transgender is the fact that I have to deceive people because I haven't been able to find my true self through surgery. I think I might have to marry a woman, but I can't stand being dishonest to the person I marry."
Na-youn told us about the general dilemma that transgenders face. "Those who do not receive surgery can keep their job and family, although they are forced to live in a body that does not match their internal gender. On the other hand, those who do receive surgery stand faithful to the voice inside themselves, but most of them have no choice but to work in places like transgender bars because no other place accepts them," she deplored. "In the long run, in order for transgenders like myself to be guaranteed our human rights, I think it is important for each individual to become self-confident and admit one's identity openly," said Na-youn.

The last person we met was Kim Young-hwan, 18, who was recently admitted to a renowned Korean university through early decision. We met Kim on her future school campus after the orientation for next year's freshmen ended. "I first realized I was a transgender when I was in my second year of high school. At the time, I didn't know who Ha Ri-su was and I didn't even know what transgenders were. But then I read Kim Bee's book, The Story of an Ugly Transgender, Kim Bee and realized that I was a male-to-female transgender," she said.
A lot of transgenders abandon their studies in middle school or high school while they are going through an identity crisis. However, Kim was able to get over it and made it all the way to a prestigious university. "The most important thing I learned from Kim Bee's book is that you have to be competent in what you do to make people listen to what you say. That's why I think obtaining a good education is crucial. I am planning to study computer education and education psychology because I have a knack for both computer programming and teaching. When I become someone in a respectable position in society, I will devote myself to making one more person understand about transgenders, " Kim said resolutely. "I guess I will have received a surgery by then," she added, as an afterthought.

All the people we met had gone through many struggles and some of them are still in the middle of their long and difficult journey toward finding their true selves. It seems that these people already have a heavy burden on their shoulders without adding the weight of our society's neglect and prejudice. Our society needs to stop shunning them and start helping them out through their identity crisis. It is time for us to respect them as equal human beings (just like ourselves) and make it possible for them to demonstrate their unique abilities. In today's world, one's abilities are valued above one's gender. It doesn't matter whether you are a male or a female, so why should it matter if you are a transgender?

※ By request of the interviewees, we used the pronouns ?he?and ?er?to indicate all the male-to-female transgenders in this article.