Temporary Lecturer of Dept. of Psychology,
and Relationship Columnist
It may that the most difficult problem through our whole life is
to find a way to handle negative emotion: irritability, anger, hostility,
sadness, depression, frustrated feeling, guilty feeling, shame, etc. We name
these feelings as "negative emotion" from a boy or a girl and learn a way to
conceal and suppress these emotions. In the background, many people think we
have no solution to overcome these negative emotion then we should endure these
emotion occurs especially in interpersonal relationship, it is called
"conflict". In our mind, however, conflict is bad and it should not be occurred
in relationship. For this reason, people usually judge the relationship
negatively and even blame the other saying "we don't match each other" rather
than confront and accept the conflict then try to solve the problem. All these
features are made since we do not handle negative emotion well.
We should learn a way to interchange with our "inside" first
rather than with the outside world and others, for keeping on healthy life and
making sustainable personal relationship. That is to say, it is necessary to
take an interest in construct "means of communication in one's inside". The
inner communication means not judge one's emotion, but only show it clearly.
Developing this ability well, we feel both positive and negative emotion as it
is and are able to handle these things correctly.
Healthy behavior comes
from healthy handling emotion. People who perceive the inside and exchange with
his emotion well are able to an appropriate reaction against the circumstance
and have a healthy life exchanging with the outside and solving the lifelong
There are always the positive and negative, in lives, interpersonal
relationship, and romantic relationship, because a human being is not perfect
one and has a mind and consciousness. Accept these facts. Remove your fantasy to
be the perfect. In our lives and personal relationship, there are always
coordinate concepts: love and hate, happy and unhappy, success and depression,
symbiosis and autonomy, rest and busyness, hope and regret, etc., at the same
rate in personal life. Healthy life and friendly relationship is to not only
feel a good emotion, but also care the bad and resolve a conflict wisely.
Whether the affirmative or negative, hold and contain these whole things as you
feel those things originally. That's the responsibility and maturity of your
life. Then it is the true optimistic attitude toward your life.