Kim Sun-hee
Temporary Lecturer of Dept. of Psychology,
Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Columnist  

   It may that the most difficult problem through our whole life is to find a way to handle negative emotion: irritability, anger, hostility, sadness, depression, frustrated feeling, guilty feeling, shame, etc. We name these feelings as "negative emotion" from a boy or a girl and learn a way to conceal and suppress these emotions. In the background, many people think we have no solution to overcome these negative emotion then we should endure these things unconditionally.

   When negative emotion occurs especially in interpersonal relationship, it is called "conflict". In our mind, however, conflict is bad and it should not be occurred in relationship. For this reason, people usually judge the relationship negatively and even blame the other saying "we don't match each other" rather than confront and accept the conflict then try to solve the problem. All these features are made since we do not handle negative emotion well.

 
   
  
   We should learn a way to interchange with our "inside" first rather than with the outside world and others, for keeping on healthy life and making sustainable personal relationship. That is to say, it is necessary to take an interest in construct "means of communication in one's inside". The inner communication means not judge one's emotion, but only show it clearly. Developing this ability well, we feel both positive and negative emotion as it is and are able to handle these things correctly.
Healthy behavior comes from healthy handling emotion. People who perceive the inside and exchange with his emotion well are able to an appropriate reaction against the circumstance and have a healthy life exchanging with the outside and solving the lifelong problem.

   
   There are always the positive and negative, in lives, interpersonal relationship, and romantic relationship, because a human being is not perfect one and has a mind and consciousness. Accept these facts. Remove your fantasy to be the perfect. In our lives and personal relationship, there are always coordinate concepts: love and hate, happy and unhappy, success and depression, symbiosis and autonomy, rest and busyness, hope and regret, etc., at the same rate in personal life. Healthy life and friendly relationship is to not only feel a good emotion, but also care the bad and resolve a conflict wisely. Whether the affirmative or negative, hold and contain these whole things as you feel those things originally. That's the responsibility and maturity of your life. Then it is the true optimistic attitude toward your life.


 

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