WHAT DO you think of when you hear the word “family?" For some, they might immediately picture the stereotypical nuclear family: a mom, dad, and children. However, taking a closer look at the families in South Korean society, they come in all forms and do not often fit exactly into this image. The more obscure existence of adoptive children, childless couples, single parent households, and same-sex couples entails that their familial identity is constantly discredited and questioned by even those closest to them. The Yonsei Annals interviewed these marginalized families to see how they deal to societal prejudice, and what “family” truly means to them. 

The transformation of “family”

   “The traditional ideology of patriarchal familism is no longer the ideal norm,” Chin Mee-jung (Prof., Dept. of Child Development and Family Studies, Seoul National Univ.) stated in an interview with the Annals. With Korea’s birth rate declining due to women pursuing a higher quality of life rather than raising children[1], different types of families have become more present. However, not everyone has been keen to accept unconventional family structures. Chin claimed that the conservative views come from the “idealization or romanticization of families.” Chin mentioned that “patrilineality was glorified in society.” “Thus,” she continued, “if you think that there can only be one ideal family life, this leads to prejudice against family structures outside the frame.” The older generations of Korea’s current population had a distinctive cultural and economic upbringing compared to previous generations which allowed them to adapt to rapid changes—one of them being changes in familial structures. With the continuation of this societal development, Chin believes that “the conception of an ideal family for older and younger generations will not differ significantly.” However, Chin continued that since the “MZ generation internalizes individuality more in their lives,” there is hope for a wider normalization of unconventional families in Korea.

Adoptive families 

   Celebrity couple Park Si-eun and Jin Tae-hyun awed the public in 2019 when they adopted their now 25-year-old daughter Tabitha[2]. Park and Jin took the audience of program Same Bed, Different Dreams 2: You Are My Destiny through their emotional journey of becoming “mom and dad." Despite the rise in TV shows featuring uncommon families, adoptive parents still face legal and societal barriers, and the adoption rates in Korea have been falling. As of 2011, domestic and overseas adoption numbers marked a total of 2,464 children while 2020 numbers merely showed 492[3].

   The Annals talked to Pastor Shin Hyung-chul and his wife Bae Ji-yean who have been parents to 3-year-old Eun-sun and 3-month-old Eun-ho for a year now. Bae remarked how she always wanted to adopt. However, the couple faced numerous barriers throughout their adoption process. After getting married, Shin and Bae approached the adoption agency 13 years ago and were told that they could only start applying for adoption “three years after becoming a legal couple[4]” according to Article 908-2 (1) of the Civil Act. Shin and Bae did not stop trying until they were finally gifted Eun-sun and Eun-ho last year. Bae claimed they had to meet several complicated criteria to be listed as a potential adoptive parent. In fact, it took over a year for the couple to finally complete the legal process, but they “don’t regret any moment of the 13 years [they] went through to meet [their] children.”

   While Shin and Bae were ecstatic to finally have children, they received mixed reactions from the people around them. Bae states that “the adoption culture in Korea isn’t perceived in a positive light as you often see it on TV.” Bae recalled a time when an acquaintance called their children “abandoned,” and that they should be thankful that their parents took them in. When navigating society, Bae has been constantly met with outdated social agendas that hinder her children from living an ordinary life. For instance, when Eun-sun needed to be hospitalized, a nurse told Bae, “No other hospitals will accept your daughter because she’s an adoptee.” Although Bae had insurance for the baby as well as the doctor’s statement, they still would not let her in. Only after hours of searching, Bae was able to find a hospital that accepted her daughter, but she recalls this experience to be a “nightmare.” She wishes that all hospitals implement accessibility and convenience for all children, regardless of their biological relationship with their parents. The couple wishes to be treated equally and spread positive awareness of the good that adoption can bring to a household. “Adoptive families are no different to other families. We’re all the same,” said Bae.

Double income, no kids

   Though having children can be a blessing, they are not always required to become a family. Thus, some couples choose to pursue a childless household. “DINK” is an acronym for “double income, no kids.” The term was given to couples who chose to remain childless due to the Great Recession of the 1980s in the United States[5]. While DINKs have been common in the West with the eradication of the traditional family structure, they have only recently been on the rise in Korean society. As of 2021, one and two-person households make up 62.1% of the Korean population. Though varying circumstances may factor into these numbers, the greatest cause identified turned out to be the increase in young DINK couples[6].

   The Annals spoke with Kim Hae-su, who runs a YouTube channel under the alias “KIM SUDAL,” and is a DINK who married in 2016. While some expect having a baby after marriage as a natural step, even before she married, Kim was firm in her desire to not have any. Though she had many reasons, her choice arose from the question, “Would I really recommend the life I’m living to another?” Once she found a partner who shared the same values as her, she was met with another wall: her family and acquaintances did not take her decision seriously. They would jokingly tell her, “Everyone says that when they are young,” and “people like you end up having honeymoon babies.” With young people having a bright future ahead of them, an additional family member would mean sharing their time, energy, and expense, which would leave them unavailable for their own leisure. Kim is a strong believer in prioritizing her “wellbeing, work, and comfort before anything else,” which was another main factor in her decision.

   Kim is satisfied with her choice as she is free to travel during holidays, can pursue whatever hobby she wants, and is also economically stable. Along with the high costs of living, raising children until the age of 22 costs ₩308.96 million in Korea[7]. Even though many couples cannot afford children, Korean society often shuns them “traitors” to the country’s future progress and prosperity. Kim received some uncomfortable remarks from others who commented things such as “population equals national power,” “you are being selfish,” and “your husband will abandon you later if you don’t have kids.” However, seeing couples with kids reassures Kim of the decision she made, “I have full control over my life. When I look at my friends who have become parents, my lifestyle has completely changed compared to theirs. I think in some sense, it’s good that I don't have children, so I can continue to freely choose, judge, enjoy, and cherish my life.”

Underage parents

   Having a baby can be a difficult commitment—especially when they come to you at an early stage in your life. The Annals spoke with Choi Ji-won who became a mother at 19-years-old. Considering she was underage at the time, her parents demanded that she get an abortion for the sake of her future. Today, however, Choi is pleased that she kept her baby. Choi feels that she matured a lot through the experience, especially in terms of getting a job to support her child. She often hears people say, “Becoming a mother is a powerful change. It is a startling sight to see a rebellious student become more mature.” Choi feels that these positive remarks have become more prevalent than before. She believes that the recent surge in young mothers sharing their lifestyles on social platforms such as YouTube has influenced the public to change their perceptions of underage parents. Choi expects that the exposure will lessen the hostility toward future young parents. Maternal love, regardless of age, is “irreplaceable, and no one can or should undermine whether we [young mothers] are fit to raise our children,” said Choi.

Single and thriving

   The Annals spoke with Hanui, who is a single mother of two boys aged 6 and 8-years-old.  Today, Hanui lives in a mother-and-child center with her children. Before getting divorced, she was a housewife, but now she has started working and is more financially stable. In comparison to Western nations, Korea has a relatively low divorce rate due to its traditional patriarchic precepts[8]. Due to this conservative view, her family tried to convince her to not become a single mom. Hanui thinks the pity that society points towards single mothers is senseless as “It’s a misconception that you’ll be unhappy as a single parent.” Hanui recalled that she was unhappier during her marriage. However, Hanui thinks that the general perception of single parents has changed: “When I tell people that I’m a divorcee and single mom, people don’t seem too shocked and seem to accept it naturally.” In addition to this positive transformation, Hanui is thankful for the governmental benefits she receives, such as single-parent allowance and medical benefits. The development of such grants has been a beacon of hope for single parents who struggle to earn enough for their children. Though handling two children alone is not an easy task, she believes that “as a parent, I should give my all to my children, no matter the circumstances.”

Same-sex couples

   The Annals talked with Kim Kyu-jin, a lesbian and author of the autobiographical essay, “Unnie[9], will you marry me?” Although Kim discovered her identity in seventh grade, she only came out during her college years. While her mother was extremely against her coming out as a lesbian, her father was relatively calm and even offered to send her to pursue an MBA program under the assumption that she “wasn’t going to get married.” Today, Kim finds it funny why her father assumed that she would not tie the knot with her partner. Like Kim’s father’s initial reaction, Korea has excluded same-sex couples from the legal definition of family[10]. However, Kim discovered that the United States allows non-residents to file marriage and wed her partner in May 2019 in New York. Kim asserted her fury with the Korean civil law that denies same-sex marriage even though it is not illegal, “I am fulfilling my duty as a citizen, but I wonder if the nation is fulfilling its duty as a nation.” She often felt that the government was turning a blind eye to individuality. Kim claimed that “Politicians often cite the lack of a ‘social consensus’ as a reason against the legislation of same-sex marriage.” For Kim, the protection of human rights should not depend on public approval, and that “It is cowardly to make excuses without even trying to see or achieve it.” Kim asserted her anxiety with the current legislation as she stated, “I can’t even sign a surgical consent form if my wife passes away.” Kim feels that Korean society should open its eyes to same-sex couples as she states, “to them, we’re just people that pop up during queer parades and disappear.”

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   Family in South Korea increasingly comes in all shapes and sizes. As shown from the stories of these families, the value of our relationships should not be determined by biological connections, our age as parents, the presence of children or a spouse, or our sexual orientation. As Chin warned, if we only uphold a single idea of what “family” encompasses, then other more marginalized households will continue to be a source of societal scrutiny.

[1] The New York Times

[2] Yonhap News

[3] Statistics Korea

[4] Supreme Court of Korea

[5] Online Etymology Dictionary

[6] Newsis

[7] The Ministry of Health and Welfare

[8] McGraw Hill

[9] Unnie: A Korean word for a female directing an older female

[10] Voa News